Helloooo...
Today, I thought I would update everyone on our attempt at fertility. It has taken me a while to write about it again, mostly because it is so hard for me to talk about. The process has been hard on us emotionally, but we are still hopeful that we will have a happy outcome. Instead of the planned September frozen embryo transfer we must now wait until early November (most likely some time in the first week), this is because my ovaries were so large from the hyperstimulation complication that they do not want to risk rupturing. It can take 2-3 months for their size to go back to normal... so we wait. It has been hard to have the complication, be told we will have the transfer in September then have that changed. Going through the sequence of events (not to mention all the homones) you are not necessarily prepared for stops and delays to happen. I, personally, like all of the information up front (be it bad or good) so that I can sort it out and begin to deal with it for myself. I would have preferred that we were told "it might be September or as late as November", but alas that wasn't the case. I ended up feeling upset, a little angry, and enormously sad. D sort of shut down. We continue to talk about it together and we both feel as if we are in suspended animation, frozen like the embryos we are waiting for.

I belong to an online support community with other women going through infertility and have a few "cycle buddies" who actually went through the in vitro process at the same exact time as I did. Of the four women two (who were exactly on my schedule) are now pregnant and two more are in their two-week wait to find out. I feel happy for them, but feel left out at the same time. I continue to check on their progress and add notes of encouragement, but not without feeling some of that sadness that is like an enormous pool within myself. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I just feel a lump in my throat and can't talk or think about it any more. The unfortunate side of this is that our expectations are all the higher now. We have a lot riding on those 5 frozen embryos. An emotional and financial investment like none other that we have experienced. We do try to temper this with the knowledge that a lot still can go wrong. It can fail, or take and we lose them through a miscarriage. I don't know what we will choose if that is the case, it is something we don't want to think about too much. So at the moment we are trying to think positive, distract ourselves a little to make the time go faster, and at least for myself not get too caught up in the "should be me". This process is teaching us patience (or at least forcing us to be patient)! In the end, even if it is unsucessful I am sure we will say it was worth it because it is our only chance to get pregnant, and as I said before I do think it has made us an even stronger couple as a result. Now that can't be all bad! = )