Here's a little photo essay of our Christmas together!

We decided to give each other our gifts early this year on Christmas eve at exactly midnight after spending the evening watching a few of the old muppet shows on DVD and wrapping gifts.

One of the first gifts D opened was a book (for him and the babies) that he remembered fondly from his childhood-he was very happy and surprised to get it!






Last year D started a village collection for me of these cute little houses and shops. Every year he plans to add something new to the village. He spoiled me this year with several new buildings. One was Barnacle Bill's Boat House:




When we went shopping at the big toy store D saw this Mega Bloks Man of War model. He likes putting together Lego ships and let it be known that this model would make a very nice last hurrah (the last toy that is his alone). Although he very much looks forward to sharing in the future!




In addition to the Sleep Book I also got him another fun book to read:




Maddie got a replacement Big Mean Kitty and immediately started tossing it in the air. I think he was a very happy puppy!




Thankfully, he doesn't try to toss Aphrodite in the air too!
Here she is examining her annual gift of mice. It does boggle the mind as to where they all disappear to within hours of getting them. I have this feeling that under the fridge is a toy mouse cemetery.



The babies whom we affectionately call Spaz and Snooze (due to one always being active during ultrasounds and the other always sleeping) received their first Christmas gift! Two very cute outfits that were almost matching, but still a little different. They were wrapped so neat with two mini stockings on the outside with a soft little beanie dog in one stocking and a soft musical beanie cat in the other. We loved it!! = )




After birth I think we will have to cease using those nicknames, would hate for Spaz to have a complex!

We had a wonderful Christmas eve with family and then later with friends. It was raining hard on Christmas morning so we stayed warm snuggled under our electric blanket, even Aphrodite didn't want to come out!



Since this was my first Christmas as an expecting mommy we did take a belly pic of me in front of the tree.





We hope you all had a wonderful holiday in whatever form you celebrated and that you have a happy, healthy, and peace filled new year!

Happy Holidays Everyone!

I hope everyone out there is hanging in there and not feeling too horribly frazzled with all the holiday preparations. It never fails to amaze me how fast we get from Thanksgiving to Christmas! Although, I have been laying low for the past couple of weeks (doctor's orders) I did get quite a bit done in a timely manner. Of course there are always a few last minute things that never fail to crop up, but I feel good about all that was accomplished given the circumstances.

Our last Christmas as a childless couple- it feels so strange yet also exciting. The reality of impending parenthood has put a certain excitement back into the holidays that was previously lacking due to our more adult selves. This year we found ourselves in a big toy store looking for some gifts and also feeling excited at what our future holds. A chance to once again re-live that magic and wonder of Christmas (ok, and a chance to play with some toys again, but with a good excuse). We are also looking forward to playing Santa and Mrs. Claus- time to practice our hiding and sneaking techniques.

At a time when the pregnancy road has been a bit bumpy and often racked with doubt, fear, and worry it is so nice to feel this excited anticipation!

We wish all of our friends and family a very happy holiday!

~ S & D

Oh yeah and on Christmas day 13 weeks- the beginning of the second trimester! = )

Taking a relaxing bubble bath in beautiful Huahine (one of the Tahitian Islands-during our honeymoon).


Yesterday, we reached a couple of important milestones!

First, my doctor finally took me off the additional progesterone I was taking to help support my pregnancy. The twins are doing great and as a result I am making plenty of progesterone on my own now.

But what this all really means is that I can finally take a bubble bath again! It has been so long!! Baths are for me a place to de-stress, re-new, and become centered. I have really really missed this. Last night with a magazine in hand I took a nice, long, warm bubble bath-it was pure heaven!

I love Bath & Body Works! (Thanks, Paul!)



The second milestone is a bittersweet one. My reproductive endocrinologist released me to the care of my obstetrician. Working with my r.e. has been a wonderful experience and he really became an intricate part of our lives during the infertility treatment & ivf cycle. I will definitely miss him!

He told me "promise me after you give birth, you will bring those babies in for me to see". I am looking forward to being able to do that. We owe him so much for helping to make our dream into a reality!

I do have to admit it was quite strange to hear the "after you give birth" part. Sometimes I still feel sooooo surprised that this is actually really happening to me. Geez... I am going to be giving birth! Holy smokes what I have gotten myself into now? ; )


~A special postscript: Happy Birthday Tiffany!!
I am thinking of you! *hug*

Week 10!
Thursdays mark the beginning of a new pregnancy week for me. I will be writing a little developmental update of the little ones so you can follow along with our progress. = )

The little baby D's are now fetuses, having left the embryonic phase of development.

They measure from 1 1/4 to 1 2/3 inches in crown to rump length.

They each weigh about the same as a large strawberry.

Twenty tooth buds are forming in each of their mouths.

Fingers and toes are separated and easy to make out on ultrasound.

Most of their joints are formed.

All of the vital organs have been formed and are starting to work together.

If we are having a boy, his testes will begin producing the male hormone testosterone this week.

Brain growth will increase rapidly this week - almost 250,000 new neurons are being produced every minute!

Yo Ho Yo Ho
It's a Pirates Life for Me!

This Thanksgiving one really great thing we were thankful for was...

First there was us. Two crazy people in love and ready to share our lives not just together, but eventually with a little one:



We tried to conceive for quite a while, but with no success. =(

So, we went to an obstetrician who specialized in infertility who then after a few months referred us to another professional, a reproductive endocrinologist:



After finally finding the cause of our infertility and then following a surgery in March we were ready to begin the in vitro fertilization process!!

But first we needed a WHOLE lot of these:



With our account settled (thanks in a huge part to the in-laws!) we were ready to begin the protocol *cue up 2001 theme music here*

Onto the drugs... bring on the shots!



Whoa! Hold on one minute...Is that a maniacal grin on the face of my shot giver??



Many many many shots later...



I had plenty of oocytes ready for retrieval:




in fact WAY too many. The promising ones were getting crowded out and beginning to slow in development. It was time for the retrieval!

Off to the famous...



We go...
Well right next to Rodeo drive anyway!

Now all we needed was some lil swimmers:



After Dirk made an *eh hem* deposit at the assisted reproductive technologies center all was set for nature errr... science to work with the help of an embryologist, a very good microscope:



A petri dish and a test tube!





Later we got the news that we were the proud parents of five embryos!

Sadly, they couldn't be transferred just yet due to being hyperstimulated from all those hormones coursing through me.

Suspended animation- it's not just science fiction! Just a few cells big our new little embryos were cryogenically preserved until I was healthy enough to proceed with the transfer.

They weren't stored in a refrigerator/freezer like this:



A cryopreservation tank, like this one, was their home from July 12 until October 8th:



In September I began preparation to have the transfer and on October 9th it happened. Ok perhaps it's not as romantic as the traditional method of conception, but you gotta take what you can get!



The dreaded two week wait began with two full days of strict bed rest. I did get breakfast in bed, however. Oh wait I got breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed. ; )

During the transfer my doctor said I could come in a couple days early to find out the results if I wanted and he wouldn't tell anyone. Well of course I want to come in sooner!

On October 21 (12 days post transfer) we received a positive result from a home pregnancy test and an official confirmation from our doctor... We are expecting!!



On October 31, we had our first ultrasound and found TWO gestational sacs! We were still unsure if we were actually expecting twins because it was still very early.

On November 14 we saw two growing embryos and two strong heartbeats. The doctor was surprised and optimistic!

At our most recent ultrasound, the day before Thanksgiving, we saw one of our little ones moving around (which was really neat, but also strange to see). Both are growing like weeds and have strong little hummingbird heartbeats. With two in there I am really starting to show, which was initially hard for me, but I am beginning to adjust. It is all definitely worth it!

Although we are still in the first trimester, the doctor feels very good about my pregnancy and has put our risk of miscarriage at only 5 percent now. Only two and a half more weeks to go to the second trimester and I can't wait!!

Have a spooktacular Halloween!!

This Halloween will be a scary one, but definitely not in a good way! = (

*Photo from Reuters

The sun is dark orange and ash is falling down. A couple days ago the ash was made up of fine particles easily seen on my black car. Today the ash is coming down like a fine sprinkling of snow. It's easy to catch these larger pieces in my hand. We went to Trader Joes to get some groceries, after loading the car I lifted a large piece of ash off the trunk with my finger and Dirk said "that could have come from someone's house that had burned".

We feel so very sad and sickened by all of the homes that were lost in these fires. We partially know what that feels like. Four years ago this coming Nov. 1st, two weeks after our wedding, we also had a house fire. We were extremely fortunate because the firemen were able to save the bottom floor of our home, but our top floor was destroyed. Our fire was our own fault, we left candles burning unattended upstairs while we went to get something to eat in the kitchen. The one thousand plus people that have lost their homes in the past several days lost theirs mostly due to arson. Our faith in humanity has dropped a notch. We empathize with the devastation the people that lost their homes feel and we know the long road they have before them.

There is no way you can prepare yourself fully for such a thing. What do you take before you evacuate? The real value of things becomes much clearer when faced with such a decision. Hopefully, most of those people were given at least some time to decide. We were not afforded that because the fire moved so quickly. Our most precious valuables were our lives and the lives of our pets (not even a pair of shoes mattered at that point). The most basic of needs is to have the people and animals you love safe and sound; precious pictures and documents can't take precedence over that.

I wish I could take away the pain for the families that have been effected by these fires, but all I can say is I am sorry. My heart aches for their loss. I hope that they will soon be able to begin the process of rebuilding their homes and lives.




Not a good picture of me, but it does show the burned little paws of our kitties Orion and Cassiopeia = (

The dreaded two week wait is over! It was harder than I imagined it would be, every twinge or lack of is analyzed in every excrutiating detail. Obsession is an understatement. Days when you feel nothing are spent depressed and assuming the worst. On other days reality peeks in reminds you that it is ok not to feel something this early. I speculated on every twinge and pull I felt. Is that good? Should I feel that? Or is that a bad sign? Crazy making I do say! I tried very hard to focus my attention elsewhere, but that is easier said than done. We have been trying for a long time and IVF is our only hope. A lot has been riding on these frostie embryos! I apologize for not blogging. It was hard to think about writing during this time. I didn't think my obsession would make for good reading for myself or anyone else. I am emerging from my cave now and hope to continue to share this journey with you all! = )

The big day has arrived at long last. It has been such a long road to get to this point and on October 23 we will know an official decision either way. This will be a huge relief. We are both a jangle of nerves right now. Today, they will be giving me a Valium during the procedure, maybe this is a good thing hehe.
Last night we looked at the wonderful book A Child is Born by Lennart Nilsson, in it there are incredible scientific pictures (electron microscopy and other) of all stages of the pregnancy process. It felt very real and exciting to see pictures of 4-day blastocysts (approximately what they will be implanting in two short hours).
Yesterday, they thawed our 5 embryos (we still do not know how many survived), if there are 4 good ones then they will transfer 4 (very low possibility of quadruplets thankfully). We feel constantly amazed by this process. A good side to having this happen to us is the opportunity to be intimate with each and every step of what it takes to create life. Today the doctor will give us our first "baby" picture of the embryos that are transferred. How cool is that? = )

**Update:
Everything went really well today! We had three very good embryos transferred. There was some miscommunication with my doctor and the ART center so subsequently they only thawed the three best ones, but now we have two left frozen just in case. The transfer went really well and the team felt good that they were able to successfully place them in what is considered a good "fertile" area.
Now we wait, I am on strict bed rest for two days (can't even shower blech) and then afterwards very limited physical activity. D set me up with my computer and the network next to the bed (isn't he sweet?) We took a bunch of pictures to document the process, like the one above. In that one D is holding a picture of the embryos taken this morning at about 7 am and the other picture is an ultrasound after they had been transferred. The embryos show up as a decent sized white dot in the picture (they called it the North Star). Tomorrow, I will try to get a little photo journal up of our big day.

Thank you to all our friends and family that have been so supportive of us during this process. Your well wishes and friendship mean the World to us! = )

~The Last Hurrah: a spooktacular tale of terror

This past weekend we decided that before a successful embryo transfer might end my thrill seeking roller coaster riding days for the foreseeable future, we should head to DisneyLand and Disney California Adventure for one last hurrah.

A mere four weeks after the tragedy at Big Thunder Railroad, we found
ourselves at California Screamin' in DCA ready to try our luck.




After waiting in line, and assurance being given to the more
reluctant member of our couple (I'll let you guess who that was), we found ourselves locked in and ready to be launched for our journey on the tall, steel roller coaster.


Here's Dirk smiling in anticipation:



After the initial exhilarating acceleration, we twisted, we rose, we
plummeted, we inverted and otherwise hurtled along the track...

...until our train came to a SCREECHING and ABRUPT halt. Ok, I can't
verify the screeching part - but if it had been a car, there definitely
would have been screeching involved. The deceleration was swift and
extremely UNexpected.

So there we were - suspended high above DCA...at a dead stop...on the
tracks...





As you can well imagine, this delay produced no small amount of worry
amongst some of the trapped riders.





A minute later the attraction's PA system encouraged us to remain calm,
informing us that there was a "difficulty" preventing us from
continuing our journey...
must remain calm, *deep breathe*, must remain calm

Sometime later Crystal, a cast member, clambered up
the catwalk to personally assure us that everything was fiiiine and to let us know that while they couldn't let us out of our trains, the Maintenance Engineers would be along directly to rescue us.




Still stuck. Still waiting. Cast member Aaron came by to once again let us all know
that everything was going to be A-Ok.



However, some remained skeptical.



In the meantime, when we weren't snapping silly pictures of each other, we surveyed some more scenery from our lofty perch.




And Crystal helped us record our adventure for posterity.



Eventually, the Maintenance Engineers made their way to our train.
Using precautions such as latching their safety harnesses firmly to the
structure, they released our restraints and helped us onto the catwalk.




Upon reaching good old terra firma, we celebrated our survival!




I couldn't have asked for a more exciting last hurrah.
Unbelievably, our wild ride didn't end there, but that is a tale for another day...
stay tuned for part two in our spooktacular tale of terror!

~Bella Tuscany~


What if you didn't feel uncertainty...Are you exempt from doubt? Why not rename it excitement?

(excerpt from: Under the Tuscan Sun, by Frances Mayes)


In one week we will be undergoing our embryo transfer. I feel a mix of excitment and absolute terror that I might be pregnant in just over a week. Some women seem to know right off that motherhood is their path in life and some, take me for instance, are a bit more unsure. I do have a maternal side to myself (I mean I DO have 5 fur, and 2 feathered children), but I also feel quite a bit of anxiety about being someone's mom. I know this is a universal fear for the first time parent (well hopefully anyway). I am a perfectionist under most circumstances, and for the most important job I will ever have in my life I want to do it right. I will have my fair share of challenges most resulting from an upbringing that was less than ideal, but many have gone before me that have also had similar issues and have risen to meet them head on. Armed with some tools I know that the chains of the past can be broken, I have already been working on this for many years myself. If I do nothing right but raise a person with the knowledge that they are loved unconditionally for who they are, somehow impart on them a healthy sense of self, while giving them the gift of empathy then I feel that in some measure I will have done my job well.


For the past ten days I have been taking hormones to prepare my body for the transfer and possible pregnancy. This new surge of hormones has manifested itself in interesting ways. Mostly, I have been a little obsessive... ok maybe a little more than a little. For example a couple of days ago our neighbor came by and said that a vine we have growing in our yard had climbed over the wall and was going up one of their trees. I apologized profusely then proceeded to go out and yank as much of the aforementioned vine as humanly possible despite it now being dark outside. We have a few trees out back that have served as a sort of ladder for the vine to climb and get over the wall. I decided then and there that not only must the vine come out, but so must the trees. Poor D comes home to a frantic wife who has decided that we must go out that very minute and purchase a chainsaw for some trees need to be felled bright and early the next morn. Needless to say he was very hesitant, not to mention a tad frightened at the thought of his chain saw wielding hormonal wife. After some serious convincing and promises not to hurt myself (yes honey I will take every possible precaution) off we went to Home Depot. The following morning my new chain saw went to work clearing the yard of the perceived evil that is running amok. Several trees later (including the cutting down of an innocent Italian Cypress that neither one of us really loved) I felt a certain sawers remorse set in. Although, I come from a long line of loggers for Weyerhaeuser Corp. in Washington state I can not hide the fact that at heart I am a tree lover (call me hugger if you will). As I mourn the loss of the old I also think about all of the exciting options for the new. A metaphor for my own changing life. Exciting changes are on the horizon; it's time to strap myself in... this might be a bumpy ride!

Meow! Who knew?


You're a vinyl/fetish corset. Grrrrowl.


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